Let's be truthful. Everyone likes to succeed. No one likes to hear that they aren't good enough. But sometimes we let a few people dictate how good we are at something and that can alter our lives forever.
Some of you may remember a few years ago when I started blogging while I lived in Washington DC. I probably talked one of two times about how I was told I might need to consider a new career.
But what I hid from most people was the real reason I didn't stay in DC. I didn't stay because they said I "wasn't good enough". It's not that I hated the jobs, although they were somewhat boring. It was that the people in charge of me told me I wasn't good enough. And I believed them.
So I came home, went to Nashville and interpreted. Dreading each day because I "wasn't good enough". I finally got my new job in Paducah, with a sweet kid who didn't really know if I was good enough or not. Let's face it, first grade conversations aren't that hard to interpret.
When Jeffrey and I started talking about moving to Cali, I was over come with a huge sense of "not good enough". I tried to hide it from him by proclaiming that I wanted to go back to school (which I might still do) because I didn't like to interpret. When in reality, I believed I "wasn't good enough" to interpret in a big city.
At least once a day I was haunted with that feeling of failure. The feeling of not being chosen to work full time in DC.
Jeffrey quietly let me talk about new careers and dreams. Until last night. He finally said to me. "Han, the gift you have is too special for your to run away from it. I refuse to let you be so scared of failure that you don't walk in the gift God placed within you. When we move, you can work wherever you want, but I want you to be involved with deaf people. I want you to try again, because all you've lost is your confidence. I want you to try again, because if you'd let yourself feel it, you know that interpreting is exactly what you were called to do."
There I was 2,000miles away from him and he knew exactly what had happened. Three years ago I let one person tell me a lie, and for three years I believed it. I convinced myself that I "wasn't good enough". When God tells me that through Him I can do anything.
When we move to Fresno, I can't interpret until I take a really expensive test. So I'll find another job for a while, but my goal for 2013 is to take my National Interpreting test. Who knows, in the course of this next year I might find that I like being in the deaf community but not interpreting.
But from this day forward I refuse to let one person, from three years ago, dictate who I am today. I refuse not to try again. If I try and fail, at least I did it on my own terms. At least I gave it one more shot. But I don't believe God placed such a unique gift in me, for it not to be used to impact some people.
I am so thankful for an amazing future husband who sees the gold in me and calls it forth. I Hope that if you have allowed someone to dictate who and what they think you are, instead of what God sees you as, you realize it soon. He only wants the best for us. And failure, is not an option!
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