Salvation Army China

About a month ago, my parents and I headed down to Southaven MS to my sister's house. I know. Most of you just said,"I didn't know you had a sister?!" Well I do! I actually have 3half siblings; 2 sisters and a brother. I'm the baby ;-)

Anyway, my nephew was playing in a ball tournament so my parents when I see him and I tagged along. While we were waiting on the games to begin, mom and I headed to a few stores in search of some china.

We found these two patterns at The Salvation Army! They were all sat out on a table, just begging to be purchased! So we did! We left Memphis with a trunk full of plates! And one happy nephew- who happened to win his tourney.

Cemetery travels

I love cemeteries. Maybe it's because I visited them often when I was a little kid. Mostly I think they are peaceful reminders of life. My aunties and mom and I like to visit them every so often. Today we went to visit my Granny and Papaw's grave. As well as my Uncle Jaw's and even my Great Grandpa Brazier.
I think there's something peaceful about a place where you can think about how someone lived their life. I think cemeteries are a peaceful reminder of the heritage we all have. Each one of us is a piece of a heritage; one that comes before and one that we will leave behind.
Today, on Memorial Day when we honor those who gave so much, I visited my Great Grandpa Brazier's grave for the first time. He was a man who I never got to meet. The man who I have to thank for my red hair. He fought in World War II and came home an alcoholic. But in his later days he was around to buy my momma hula hoops and be her best friend. He is the reason my momma cries at the sound of Taps, because he was buried on a January day with full military honors.
His grave is out back of the farm I knew as my Grandparent's only home, yet today was the first time I climbed the hill to see where he was laid to rest.
I've heard it say that the most important thing on your tombstone is the dash between the numbers, because that's where your life was lived. I hope I live my life so that one day my great grandchildren will see the heritage I've left them and be thankful for it.

Failure-not an option.

Let's be truthful. Everyone likes to succeed. No one likes to hear that they aren't good enough. But sometimes we let a few people dictate how good we are at something and that can alter our lives forever.
Some of you may remember a few years ago when I started blogging while I lived in Washington DC. I probably talked one of two times about how I was told I might need to consider a new career.
But what I hid from most people was the real reason I didn't stay in DC. I didn't stay because they said I "wasn't good enough". It's not that I hated the jobs, although they were somewhat boring. It was that the people in charge of me told me I wasn't good enough. And I believed them.

So I came home, went to Nashville and interpreted. Dreading each day because I "wasn't good enough". I finally got my new job in Paducah, with a sweet kid who didn't really know if I was good enough or not. Let's face it, first grade conversations aren't that hard to interpret.

When Jeffrey and I started talking about moving to Cali, I was over come with a huge sense of "not good enough". I tried to hide it from him by proclaiming that I wanted to go back to school (which I might still do) because I didn't like to interpret. When in reality, I believed I "wasn't good enough" to interpret in a big city.
At least once a day I was haunted with that feeling of failure. The feeling of not being chosen to work full time in DC.

Jeffrey quietly let me talk about new careers and dreams. Until last night. He finally said to me. "Han, the gift you have is too special for your to run away from it. I refuse to let you be so scared of failure that you don't walk in the gift God placed within you. When we move, you can work wherever you want, but I want you to be involved with deaf people. I want you to try again, because all you've lost is your confidence. I want you to try again, because if you'd let yourself feel it, you know that interpreting is exactly what you were called to do."

There I was 2,000miles away from him and he knew exactly what had happened. Three years ago I let one person tell me a lie, and for three years I believed it. I convinced myself that I "wasn't good enough". When God tells me that through Him I can do anything.

When we move to Fresno, I can't interpret until I take a really expensive test. So I'll find another job for a while, but my goal for 2013 is to take my National Interpreting test. Who knows, in the course of this next year I might find that I like being in the deaf community but not interpreting.
But from this day forward I refuse to let one person, from three years ago, dictate who I am today. I refuse not to try again. If I try and fail, at least I did it on my own terms. At least I gave it one more shot. But I don't believe God placed such a unique gift in me, for it not to be used to impact some people.

I am so thankful for an amazing future husband who sees the gold in me and calls it forth. I Hope that if you have allowed someone to dictate who and what they think you are, instead of what God sees you as, you realize it soon. He only wants the best for us. And failure, is not an option!

The Best Friend Story...

This is what I'm calling "The Best Friend China". What a story it holds.  My Best Friend-Dena's mom Cathy headed out on the 100 Mile Yard Sale today, this amazing set of china, along with it's amazing story found her along the way. She called me to tell me the story, and now I'll share it with you. 

Cathy spotted this beautiful 8 piece setting at a random yard somewhere on the route. When she and the lady who was selling it were putting it in the car, the seller commented that Cathy had come prepared. Cathy had packed some boxes and newspaper to keep the dishes safe on the way home! Cathy told her about me, her daughter's best friend, and our plans for The Wedding China.
The lady who was selling the china then said to Cathy. "This china belonged to my best friend. She died of a brain aneurism and left her china to my daughter. My daughter never used it and when she told me she was selling it, I've been sad all day. But my best friend would have been so happy to know that such a happy celebration was coming out of a situation that was so sad." 

WOW! What a blessing for our wedding day. A true reminder that God always knows the perfect plan!

 

Green...

"Oh, she's just jealous..." "..Green with Envy..." 

Most of the time this is a word that we use in passing, usually said with a joking accent, usually directed a someone's longing of your clothes, hair or style. But how often do we really allow envy or jealousy to seep into our minds and hearts? Proverbs tell us to "guard your heart, for out of it flow the issues of life."  I have heard this phrase too often, and too often I have passed it by. Never thinking that I would allow something to affect my life in that way...

The past few weeks have been hard for me. The stress of trying to decide what we are doing after October, getting my stuff moved, finding a summer job and deciding not to return to my interpreting job in the fall, and J trying to decide on an Internship, had taken it's toll.

And I found myself becoming snappier, less patient and less loving. Especially toward J.

He probably noticed this, but in true J fashion, he said nothing.

 Until that Sunday. 

I was driving home from my parent's house, and we began to hash out some things that were on our mind. I had been upset because in my mind J didn't need me to make the decision on where to go for his internship. Staying in Redding was safe. We knew the area, we knew people, he had a job. Safe.  But just a few days before,he and his friend Nate had met with a Pastor from Fresno.  Fresno, in my mind, was not safe. We knew nothing about the area, had no one, no jobs...

J's solution was to inform me that if Nate and his fiance didn't go, then we wouldn't either.  I heard, "You can't make a decision like this, so I'll just follow Nate, and you will have to be happy." That isn't what he said. He simply meant that if we had no community, no connection to anyone who believe the same way we did, we would stay in Redding. This was him looking out for me, I didn't see it that way. I became jealous.

Guard. Your. Heart.

I didn't realize it until about 3 weeks later, Monday of this week to be exact. I was driving down Hinkleville Rd, going to the mall, listening to NPR; when the announcer said something about the "envy of the American people."  And it hit me. I was Envious. Insanely Jealous. Of my fiance's friends.

 I had become jealous of the relationships J had in Redding. The bond he had formed with these friends over the past 2 years was something I don't have. These are guys who spend every moment together, they stay up late discussing their view on things like Grace and healing. They are forever friends. Friends that J would follow to the ends of the earth. Friends that he trust to help him make life changing decisions. *Which is actually good, now that I think of it*

In my jealous mind, Nate and J were making the decisions. I was left to follow him and "trust" that he had it all figured out.

I immediately began to remember how I felt when he would call and say they were going somewhere or hanging out. I immediately began to feel horrible about the way I'd been treating him. For 3 weeks I had made catty remarks about him being with his friends. I would hang up immediately if he told me he was the slightest bit busy.

Guard. Your. Heart.  

For almost a month I let jealousy flow out of my heart. Jealousy robs you of your love. It takes away your caring nature. It eats at you. I began to notice what things made me jealous.

Then tonight, I noticed that even though he is surrounded by amazing friends, J still needs me. 

He's headed to Fresno this weekend to see and make sure that's where we need to be. 

He has Saturday free. Nate and his fiance have each other. 

J simply said, "I'll be here alone."  Which was his way of reminding me, he still needs me.

Guard. Your. Heart

If you're like me, and are noticing that you are beginning to feel this way towards someone or something. Just simply stop. Remember that through Jesus, on the cross, we have everything. He understood that you would be jealous at this moment in time. He knows that you are better than that. He has Grace to help you be better than a jealous person.

Let's face it- being "green with envy" doesn't look good on anyone.

Away.

Some times living thousands of miles away from your finance is hard. Some days it's not bad, some days it feels like your heart is being ripped out. This week is one of those weeks.
In the last two weeks J has graduated from 2nd Year, had a grad party, gotten a new job, gone to I baby dedication. And I have missed it al. It hardest to know that he's there with his friends having a blast and knowing that you could be there too, if only you didn't live 2,200 miles across the country.

This has definitely been a few weeks of choosing to love, even when you don't feel it. I would love nothing more than to be more than a name at these events and parties. But right now that isn't possible. And quite frankly- it sucks!
I just keep reminding myself that in 145 days- none of this will matter.

Operation Wedding China:plates from my adopted Momma.

Momma Cathy is Dena's momma.

I met Dena in college at John A Logan. She was and still is my life saver! She and I were inseparable. Even though we are separated by quite a few states, several hundred miles, and at least 14 hours- we're still best friends. Momma Cathy has been so gracious to me in the last 6 years that Dena and I have been friends; giving me a place to sleep, food to eat and loving me as her own.
When we started the hunt for the Wedding China, she quickly jumped on board. These were the first plates that she purchased for me. They are also the first dinner plates we had that featured colors other than pink! If you know me, you understand why this is such a big deal!!
The second pattern is what I and Momma C are calling "the DC plates".
When I moved to Washington DC almost three years ago I had some rough days. Days where all I wanted to do was give up and come home. I still have emails Momma Cathy sent to encourage me. I know, without a doubt that she was praying for me everyday. The spring I lived in DC Dena got to come visit me, right when the blossoms were starting to bloom.

I love the cherry blossom pattern on these plates because they remind me of the city I love. And that while the sorrow and pain may endure for a little while, joy and beauty always follows.

These plates will serve as a reminder at our wedding of people who, although aren't bound by blood, love us just the same!!

The Haviland.

This is the Haviland China. The dishes that started it all.
About a month ago I was talking to my mom about plates for my wedding in October. We had settled on white square plastic ones when I said,"if I had all the money in the world, I would want all different kinds of china plates.." To which my mom said,"ok, let's do it!"
I was shocked, and quite frankly I didn't think she was serious! But she was. Within a few days she had decided that if we spent no more that $2 a plate, it would be the same amount of money as buying plastic plates.
So the search began. This was the first piece of china purchase for our wedding. My daddy bought it. At the time we thought he over paid for just a few dinner plates. But when he got them home we found out there was almost a complete service. Meaning not only did he buy plates, he also bought lunch plates, bowls, teacups and saucers, a few platters and some teeny tiny finger bowls!!
He was very excited! Then he started researching his find. Let's just say that only grown ups get to sit at the table with the Haviland China!! Haha!

In the past month we have collected almost 90 plates! Not only is this a fun adventure for my mom and dad but some of our friends have gotten on board too.
In the next few months I will be posting about the different people who are helping make my wedding dreams come true, one mismatched plate at a time!