Waiting...

As a soceity we hate to wait. Thus the invention of fast food, instant photos, and microwave popcorn. I also, find myself hating to wait, but often times it's the waiting that shows us the right path. 
A few weeks ago, I was faced with a decision to make and I felt no peace about it at all. After many hours of praying and crying I decided to wait. 

But then I learned that waiting doesn't mean sitting in the floor with your eyes closed listening. Waiting is a act.  Sounds like an oxy-moron... Actively waiting. But many times in life that is what God requires of us, to actively wait.  Thus often times we, as humans, try to make our own way instead of waiting on His perfect timing.  I am one of those people, and I stuggle with my waiting everyday.  I love to have a plan. In fact, on more than one occasion I have asked God to "drop me a line, letter or calendar". This would consist of knowing specific dates for important things like marriage, job opportunities, and when to talk about the hard things in life.  However, much as I have prayed and wished, my calendar or letter has never come.

Just recently I began to realize there will never be the perfect time. Someone will always have a judgement, opinion or statement about what you are to do. There will never be enough money, time or resources. But some how in God's time, the waiting is all worth it. 

I had a very good friend call me last night and offer something I will forever be indebted to her for. And today, after 2 missed calls I realized that God's timing is always perfection.  One call about a job that was not to be, immediately followed by a job that is so promising, I would be foolish not to go. And granted, the job takes me away, but not completely.  This is a flexible job-one that I will still be able to be involved and grow with. One that will push me to be better, for the next chapter in my life. 

So while I used to just wait for the audible voice, I now realize that actively waiting. And constant surrender is how God speaks.  Perhaps He just wanted to see if I would wait, and trust. And that I did, and will
continue to do...for the rest of my life.

"Our soul waits for the LORD;he is our help and our shield.For our heart is glad in him,because we trust in his holy name.Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us,even as we hope in you." Psalms 33:20-22

my favorite sweater

Is black. and i bought it on sale. and it is glorious! I was very excited to get to finally wear it Tonight...
As i put it on i was thinking about all the places it had been.
It's amazing how one piece of clothing, or smell, or taste can take you back to so many Places.

I love this sweater, mainly because it gives me that cozy-everything-is-now-perfect feeling.
That feeling is just needed sometimes. and some days it says gee hann-you look awesome.

Some people in our lives make us feel that way too. my uncle jim is one of them. he has this Hug that just
Makes me wanna melt. and he always knows exactly what to say.

Fall is my favorite time of year, mainly because i get to dig out my favorite sweater. this year Is a new one.
And this season in my life, my sweater will probably get a lot of use. because there are just Some days,that
Are favorite sweater days.

Pruning...

Today is a lovely Sunday in the Southern Illinois. And to combat my extreme bordom, I decided to prune some of our bushes.

Pruning is something that none of us like to do, because for a while, it makes things look sad and neglected. But really pruning is more of a way to clear out the dead stuff so you can grow better.

I'm learning that this is what God is doing to me... I sat on the front row at church this morning and I couldn't hardly hold back my tears. But at the same time, while I was sad, I was also very excited because Jeffrey was at his first of many services at Bethel. When I got home, he called me-the excitement in his voice about talking about the service and what God is going to do, makes me more excited than sad!

I love that God loves me so much that He takes the time to prune me, branch by branch, limb by limb until I'm prefectly what He wants me to be.

Rainy Days and Goodbyes

I love rain. I truly do. It's one of those favorite thing. You know, the list of things in you head that makes you feel all happy inside. One of mine is rain, and fall. So with fall quickly approaching I am overly excited to be back home. Granted I'm sure DC is beau-tiful in the fall. Especially Georgetown and those awesome trees around Jefferson. But this year I'm glad to be home.

Fall is always the symbol of change. Leaves start to lose that green color, the grass starts to get crunchy and the smell of the air itself changes. Life itself seems to take on a new season as we start new things like classes and jobs. Gone are the carefree "dog days" of summer. Fall always makes me feel smarter and more alive.

This fall one of my favorite things has left. He moved. Yesterday. To California.
Yep. Sure did. So in my head the list of things that makes me happy has started to change like those maple leaves. No longer is-the movies with J on my list. Now it's-hearing J describe how God has prompted him to give up moves.
Talking to J in the car has been replaced with J talking to me while driving in the car.

Right now he's in Colorado and he called me to say how close the clouds felt and looked. Then he said- "I hope we can come back here because things are cool, but I know they'd be better with you, because things are always better with the one you love."