I am not brave. Contrary to what some people think about me. I am not. Some nights I find myself laying in my bed overcome with thoughts of worry about what will happen after August. You see, I don't have enough trust in God as I should. I always expect Him to leave me hanging. In the back of my mind I half way expect to have to come crawling home from wherever J and I call home in a few months. I alwasy think that I'm not brave enough to handle another move. But the more I think about it the more I realize I'm always scared right before something new happens. I think that's human. It's just that before my mom and dad have always been there to make sure I land on my feet. This time it will be just me, J and God. Not that the two of them aren't big enough to handle it. But still feelings that are not bravery overcome me. What will I do? Where will we live? Who will be our friends? Will I have to eat Cheerios for every meal? I don't even have a clue what will happen after we say I Do. Not one idea.
But I suppose that's where faith comes in. Faith that God is once again bigger than my lack of bravery. Faith that what He's done for other people he can do for us.
Please. Don't think I'm brave. Don't tell me that. Just think that I have a lot of faith. Perhaps this will be a testimony of calling things that are not, as though they are.
